I Meant It For The Best
by SerendipitousWays
Summary: Twenty drabbles with the theme 'I meant it for the best.' Tifa, Hollander, Lucrecia, Gillian, Barret, Tseng, Vincent, Cid, Aeris, Cloud, Sephiroth, Ifalna, Reno, Zack, Yuffie, Veld, Genesis, Angeal, Hojo, Gast


**A.N. **An exercise: 100 words or less for 20 random characters, a word generator, and the theme 'I meant it for the best.'

I like some better than others. 4 is my favourite, but I like how 11, 12, 14, 17 turned out, and the notion of 19 – I've only rarely seen any fiction where he does try to do right, but misdirection is something he does very well.

* * *

I Meant It For The Best

_1. Tifa - Gone_

If I'm honest, we were never that close. Even when we were small and there were so few kids around that we couldn't afford to be choosy for friends, he was just that weird, intense kid at the edge of town and I was the mayor's pretty daughter. The time of day was not given, not until he got what I wanted: out. Years later he came into my bar and I tried to find that shy, determined boy I'd somehow never seen before that night, but it's never been me he comes for, and by morning he's gone.

_2. Dr. Hollander - Order_

Say whatever you like about me, so long as no one denies that I tried. The procedure was meant to be safe for her, and when she fell ill I took up work to pay for her care and for our son. So far away I was never as close to him as I'd have liked, but I gave him his sword and I gave him his honour, and what was left of mine too. As a long distance parent I could have done worse, but I should have done better. Fathers aren't meant to bury their sons.

_3. Lucrecia Crescent - Painful_

It made sense at the time. I had read the reports: the process seemed safe and I would know. I had misgivings, of course, but I wanted to give the best to my son, same as any mother. He would be stronger, more powerful, heal faster, be smarter: the gifts of the Cetra. But then the injections burned cold, and there were such dreams, dreams of fire. When Vincent went missing Hojo changed, or more likely Vincent was right, and the mask was removed, a man I'd loved: a lie. I never saw my son, but I heard enough.

_4. Gillian Hewley - Receipt_

I was the first, and got a neat little piece of paper at the end of it: payment, with a promise of more if I let them monitor me. We needed the money, how was I to say no? Especially with a child on the way. There was another piece of paper for him, as he too was exposed, and for every check up another check. My husband still had to travel to keep up with the bills, but that was alright. My son didn't like it, but understood, bless him. His last paper read 'missing in action.'

_5. Barret Wallace - Whine_

Barret couldn't stand whiners. And alright, Yuffie was fine: besides, if she wasn't whining or gushing or posing over something it meant that the little ninja was sick, and Barret being a teddy bear, that was unacceptable. But sometimes, just every once in a while mind you, he wished that the blond would bitch and complain rather than stand quietly aside until he cracked and did property damage, or that Valentine would join him for drinks rather than vanish for days or weeks or months on end. He knew what he'd told them, but just sometimes, it was fine. Really.

_6. Tseng - Pin_

It seemed to him as if all he did was hold things together. His life after Wutai. His superior's life (until the order came). His people, whether they liked it or not (they usually did). His targets to the wall, whether they liked it or not (they usually didn't). Limbs to each other (every Turk was a surgeon). His boss to his morals (a ShinRa was a ShinRa). Every action light, precise, virtually unseen in the curtains. Nothing stuck to him.

_7. Vincent Valentine - Wretched_

For all that he tried to flee his demons, it had been a relief to finally confront them, figuratively and literally. The hateful Jenova who had claimed so many lives, he'd joined those who put her down. The contemptible thing had eventually killed another demon, the woman he once fancied himself in love with. She ended her life in misery, and he liked to imagine his presence eased her passing. The ones in his head, thwarted by will alone. And it was… nice to finally feel that he'd done right.

_8. Cid Highwind - Succinct_

You know you don't always show a face they like. Coarse, brusque, abrupt. You curse at weddings as much as you do in bar fights. But no one's said anything – water off a duck after the first meeting, really. It's just how you are. You're rude, yeah, but you're to the point, and at least you're honest. Your friends are fine with it, and in all the years you've known her, well, _she's_ never said boo. So there's not a god damned thing wrong with it. Honest.

_9. Aeris Gainsborough (Gast) - Three_

She was uncertain, for once, and that was different. She had welcomed the boys – children really – to the planet, the true mother. It hadn't really been their fault. They grew too quickly in more than one way, misinformed, led by the nose, and childishly adoring their 'big brothers.' But now they were here, with her, and they didn't fade like the others. Searching for faces and truths that weren't there they would never find peace: this was her Promised Land, not theirs. She hadn't known there was a difference.

_10. Cloud Strife - Rat_

He didn't regret helping Tifa with the orphans, no matter how it might look it, work just kept him away. But he couldn't help but worry that they couldn't have chosen a better place to settle, somewhere farther from the ruins of Midgar where more than monsters and vermin mingled with the people. They were Tifa's kids, mostly, but he wasn't happy leaving them where rats were under the beds and roaches between the floorboards no matter how hard they tried to keep them out. Geostigma wasn't the only sickness worth worrying over.

_11. Sephiroth - Scientific_

He was defined by yes and no questions, theories and hypotheses. This pill will make you stronger, this shot will make you heal, how does this feel, are there any side effects, don't forget the paper work, there's another appointment tomorrow. The ceilings and walls and floors and paper were white, marred only by the black of door knobs and window frames and ink, and the smudges of dirt and ink never lifted the surgical sterility. The _greenhateburning_ broke it, and he wished it didn't, but the soft voice, unmentionable, promised more. Would it be better, if he followed her?

_12. Ifalna Gast - Wood_

No one can help falling in love, and you were no exception. It was a grand thing and it carried you away, into the heat of the moment, across the world and into motherhood. Icicle is peaceful and remote, you thought. We'll be safe. The cradle you bought here is old, hand carved and beautiful. The elegant vines twine across cherry, not quite dry enough to splinter: your daughter will be the last to use it, and as you admire it you know you will be the last to see it, intact or otherwise. The door bursts inwards.

_13. Reno - Smoke_

It was orders: plant the bombs, get the bogies, go celebrate. In and out, surgical slice. Same old, same old. But then the air cleared and it wasn't. Something had changed along the way: there was nothing to be proud of about this. The people above, naïve little snobs, and the people below, jaded survivors, all gone, and for what? Half a dozen baddies? He never voiced his doubt, acted no different, but terrorists or not, it wasn't worth it. And the worst part? They missed.

_14. Zackary "Zack" Fair - Muddled_

You wanted to be a hero; that was your wish. You thought it was a grand thing, to meet great people, do great deeds, make the news, get girls. And you did. Kind of, in the way that these things go, lopsided and skewed. You did great deeds, though it cost you more than you dared think. You met amazing people: you lost almost all of them. The anchor said an experiment had been contained: the ones left lost you.

_15. Yuffie Kisaragi - Attack_

I am the wind, she would think, then jump. It didn't matter where you were, she told herself, the world was full of big bads and you never knew when one was going to strike. She was just preparing these people, and if she left with something formerly theirs, well, that was just payment for rendering this service. It was a kindness, really. Besides, how much of it was formerly her people's? Silence is consent, dear dogs.

_16. Veld - Included_

Can a man lead two lives? You tried, for a time. The hardened leader, shadow king, much of your time. A husband and doting father for the rest of it, or so you'd remember it. Private lives and work were meant to be separate and when by chance it wasn't it ruined you. For years you were your work, but the moment you found her you left it. But history repeats: you couldn't keep work away.

_17. Genesis Rhapsodos – Morning_

Of course I came back, even though you did not promise to wait, and I did not ask you to. Even though you sleep now and the morrow is barren: you were meant to be the Hero of the Dawn, but you haven't seen a morning in years.

_18. Angeal Hewley - Travel_

'Join the Army! See the World, Meet Interesting People!' proclaimed the poster the other boy had dragged you to. And that was interesting enough, he supposed. Mideel was fairly small, and he had already seem much of it, helping others in the area and taking small jobs. But where Gen saw the blazing sign, he saw the smaller print: a steady income would help mom, and with a better education he could maybe make something of himself. Besides, he couldn't let his friend go alone. No, he could do this. See the world and maybe, maybe...

_19. Professor Hojo - Fiction_

Did you speak in truths or merely riddles, and will we ever know? Did you tell him a truth or what you wished was true? Did you ever really love her? Was keeping him alive malice or poorly managed mercy? Did you make him stronger, tend his wounds to raise him or yourself, for love or for glory? Could you have spared those bright young men if you'd been so inclined, and were you ever? Doctor, was it for the best, or just because you could?

_20. Professor Gast Faramis – Unruly_

He was not sure when he lost control. Was it when he split the program, or maybe when he let Hojo alone a little too long? Maybe it was that they'd started at all, or perhaps when he found her. He had thought he knew what they were doing: he had thought they were doing alright, that they _were doing_ right. And then again, he supposed that he just had not noticed himself trying to hold running water.


End file.
